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Dear Billy

Posted by Simon Parke, 22 February 2018, 12.27pm

Dear Billy,

You once asked me to come forward and have my life changed forever.


Though forever was brief, lasting about two days.

Because while eager hands were laid on my head, the scaffolding of my psyche was quite untouched.

So nothing changed…apart from an increasing sense of fraudulence and pretence, and a virulent outbreak of self-punishment.

‘Why is my life not changed? How bad must I be??’

You told me to come forward, but to be honest, I think I went backwards.

You’re a good salesman, everyone agrees, and kind in your way, I’m sure…but like every salesman, long gone before the product breaks down.

You sold me a simplification, with so much truth removed, we must probably call it a lie.

Though I’m glad I came forward, truly I am, for it started a better journey.

There is life and grace beyond the lie, through the lie, despite the lie.

Though it comes and goes, I find peace, it’s there, like the sunlight spilling on my desk right now… and I wish, as you step through the veil, that kind sunlight for you.

We’re all just doing our best…though sometimes we crucify.

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