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If God were a burglar

Posted by Simon Parke, 08 November 2021, 10.33am

The International Labelling Laboratory, (also known as ILL) divides everyone up by labelling them.

It labels black, white, trans, gay, jew, atheist, christian, brexiteer, remainer, vegan, left, right, woke, gammon, young, old, male, female, paki, etonian, so many labels, it’s got many more than these.

ILL uses these labels to define people: friend or foe, good or bad, them and us.

It makes very clear who is in and who is out and if you’re wondering about someone, (or yourself) just check their labels, provided by ILL.

What’s important is this: everyone’s a label, no one’s a human.

But wait a minute! Breaking news! Apparently someone broke into the laboratory last night and stole all the labels!

Oh no!

So chaos and confusion on the streets today, with no labelling going on at all. Just decent human interaction. It must be stopped!

The police do not presently have any leads.

But there are certain possible lines of inquiry and they may soon be knocking on heaven’s door.

Because if God were a burglar, this is just the sort of nonsense he’d steal.

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