This loving someone is bloody difficult
Posted by Simon Parke, 22 February 2017, 6.14am
‘‘This loving someone, it’s bloody difficult.
I mean ‘scuse my French, but that’s the way it is.
That Rilke fellow, he wasn’t wrong.
‘For a person to love another, that is the most difficult of all our tasks.’
Too bloody right.
I mean, how do I get so quickly from ‘You’re so great!’ and perfect sunsets to a desperate feeling of ‘How the hell did I wind up with you?’
God knows because I certainly don’t.
I mean, what happened? What the fuck happened?!
Just yesterday I was sharing deep stuff with you, you know, risking a bit - but today?!
Deep understanding, I thought, but that’s a joke…you don’t understand anything!
Bloody hell, I didn’t sign up for this, no way.
From heaven to earth with a thud, eh?
And I can’t hack it, I really can’t.’‘
When we speak being to being with someone, there’s an openness, a deep and satisfying flow.
When we speak ego with ego, we just have two competing survival systems - formed in the crucible of our early relationships, when our brain was soft - treading on each other’s very sensitive toes.
Start (gently) with your own wounds, your emotional trigger points, your fears of being hurt, trapped, manipulated, ignored, controlled, rejected or abandoned.
Journey with self-kindness from that place, that death-ground of broken dreams and the fears they give birth to.
Name the fears.
They are not who you are ...but they can hurt who you are.
This loving someone is bloody difficult and I don’t know where you’ll end on your journey; I don’t know where I’ll end on mine.
But that’s always the place to start.
We start with our wounds.