The choir sang beautifully and the orchestra produced a wonderful sound, but they were up on a stage blocking my view,i felt hemmed in, contained. Then there was the professional light show, worthy of a west end musical and to top it all the big bold power point production telling us mere humans when to sit,stand and sometimes even sing!
I had come to hear the story of old, to wait eagerly for hope to be born into the world, i wanted to feel part of that story instead i felt like i was at a show and i had to stop myself automatically appluding each performance.
Unfortunatly worse was to come instead of the Christmas story i got 'How Jesus could save me' i was still waiting for him to be born!Then as the icing on the cake every body was invited to attend an Alpha course and would be given a special invitation before they left the building. Call me a rebel but i decided there was no way i was taking that invite, i even went as far as imagining exactly what i'ld like do with it! Wasn't quite the reflecting i thought i'ld be doing at the Carole service.
What really disturbed me was the lack of space for 'God' to surface.
I was treated like a child being told someone elses version of what God was saying and that made me fearful, the fear of the little girl being forced into a shape that the adults who held the power wanted her to be.
I left without a invite, feeling a sense of relief and space as i stepped out the door.
In contrast yesterday i walked with friends on a misty Hamstead Heath, as we walked i became aware that the mist was providing me with bite sized chunks of view in which everything appeared close and vivid, yet there was no sense of being blocked in. With every step the picture changed slightly and as i watched the changes i noticed things that on other days i would have missed bcause i would have been looking into more of a distance. I was aware of different surfaces underfoot, the minute dewdrops on silvery spider webs, the birds and squirrels that shared the space with me seemed almost tame, i was at one with the world and i felt my heart soar and my soul sing.
In church 'no room at the inn',on the misty heath 'a child is born'