March 31, 2009
legitimate office expenses
And there was me thinking that 'legitimate office expenses' meant things like paper clips and print cartridges.
How boring must my tax returns have been!
I've been a fool.
Though paper clips can be surprisingly entertaining. You can bend them, re-use them on a new set of documents - and they come in a wonderful array of colours these days. Really gorgeous.
In fact, I can't think of a better companion for a lonely evening when the Home Secretary is not at home...
March 26, 2009
There's that old joke.
You may have heard it.
What was it now? It was about the, er -
Oh, it's completely gone.
Ridiculous! I'm so sorry. There was me lining up a gag -
Nope. I thought for a moment I had it, but, er..
Actually, it wasn't that funny.
Well, it wasn't at all funny.
It was shite.
I'll get back to you if I remember it...
March 22, 2009
The Original Woman
Beyond the fear
I find the original woman
This woman is aware of the deep trust
that lies at her very core
This woman knows without shadow of doubt
That 'All is Well'
She truely knows
And is able to live The Beautiful Life
I long for the day
When she will claim her birthright
When she will come home for good
March 16, 2009
Einstein and the only important question
I don't often quote Einstein because to my shame - and I should say, my rubbish teacher's shame - I failed maths O level first time, and was then asked to stop attempting Physics lessons, as soon as it was legal and decent.
But here's the thing - it was Einstein who said that the only really important question is this: 'Is the universe friendly?' Well, my own sense is that it is, which reassures me as I contemplate the end of my working day.
I don't know what the evening holds, but i do strongly suspect the universe is friendly.
And that shall be enough knowledge for now. Along with the daffodils.
Spring hopes eternal in the human breast.
The Spring never fails to inspire bouts of frenzy and tentative glimpses of flannel as the villagers gather for Matins. The daffodils have succeeded the snowdrops in the church yard and in a quinzane we will be gathering for the annual tomb scrub.
However, this Sunday it was not just the nominations for a new churchwarden to replace Josiah Tallowbender, but the arrival of a new Knight from overseas. The Knights occupy the front two pews on the South Side. This is of some aggravation, as a rule, on account of their frequent inattention during the sermons and fidgeting through the ferial responses. If I had a bright penny for everytime my versicles have been rudely interrupted by spurs or swords clashing I would have a shilling by now. But the new Knight, Sir Loin Bien Cuit is a gentle and cultured man and has already created a good deal of excitement among the ladies and seems to be a calming influence at the Round Table and even in Matins. His 'Bonjour Madame' as he rides through the village bustle has even Drab Gwen all of a blush and fuster. There hasn't been this much excitement since the cow jumped over the moon.
The healer in Oat Cottage has been planting her cabbages. She says that the conditions are auspicious with Venus so bright in the South. The Spring is a busy time for her with so much frenzy to be dealt with. Mr Kipling and Miss Muffet, spinster and sometime carder, took tea with her recently. I was surprised, as Mr Kipling has very little time for brassica cures. 'Let them eat cake' is his answer to most of the ailments in the village. Even Mrs Minchin has had sebaceous emissions but the fierce young nettle shoots are perfect for a vibrant infusion and this week she has been able to remove her veil without causing serious faints. Such was the general concern that Sir Jekyll appliance forgot his 'lactose intolerance' and has indulged in dairy products with no obvious harmful effects. We are saying nothing.
So,on my list of things to do this week is 'clean my windows'. If that isn't completed I will have very little idea of the comings and goings in the village store and the healer's cottage. There are to be some dramatic entertainments in the hall, not the bearded ladies, sadly, but the notorious Wimbourne St Giles. His renditions of Milton, John not Keynes, were the talk of the Deanery when he was last here. The stage curtains don't brush themselves.
Before I do anything I hear horses hooves approaching. It might be Sir Bien Cuit, not that I am really bothered, but his horse might leave something unctuous for garden use.
March 15, 2009
The Experience of the Child
Don't tell me it will be ok,
For this I do not know
And all I feel within my bones
Tell me it can't be so.
My experience is; once broken,
Things they can not mend
And dare I ask for what I want
Then someone takes revenge.
I've learnt that i'm not worthy
For love to be given free,
For there are always strings attached
When it comes to me.
I've learnt that it feels safer
To walk the streets alone
Then be in the company of grown ups
Inside a violent home.
Yet I have no options
I've never had a say
I do whatever I have to,
To survive another day.
So talk to me all you want to
But your words they don't make sense,
I read the movements of your body
And they show that you are tense.
So don't expect no answers
You don't listen and i'm not here,
I've buried deep inside myself
driven on by my fear.
March 10, 2009
Have you ever heard all is well?
Have you ever heard all is well?
My questioning mind is a disease
The restless, paranoid and desperate mind
Cold eyes and frosty hands
Too much hardness makes me numb
But I have heard all is well
Its cries are often muffled
And its truth clouded over
But I have heard it
I question faith when I’m left alone
My simple dreams ever-longing
Empty dreams that only trouble
So i Look for love in the dirt at my feet
All is well
They didn't listen
They said it was foolish
And time to grow up
But I have heard all is well
Someplace, I have felt its gentle breath
March 08, 2009
For A x
I have not written for a while and now I am here on my bed wanting to write I don't know where to begin.
Over the last five months I have been at a new workplace and although it has been a fantastic experience which I will always hold dear, it has been exceptionally challenging and has shaken my inner core repeatedly and continues to do so. It has brought to light those bad habits which I thought I had conquered and made me realise that they are still there and have just been hiding.
One of my bad habits when young was to lie. So much so that it got to the point where I was lying about everything and completely lost myself doing it.
I stopped the lying eventually as I realised that I no longer had any reason to lie. No one was checking up on me, knowing that I was dwindling hours away on nothing activities. I was on my own and had to find my own way. I was an adult.
So for a while I did not lie as I made my own decisions and conducted my life how I wanted it. Perfect.
Now at work however, I am under pressure, more so than ever before and when questioned on where I am with my work, the old familiar panic sets in and the lie comes out.
It is very embarassing as I then have to say ' no, actually that is incorrect, I didn't do that'. My manager looks at me with a frown wondering why I have lied or whether I am just very absent minded. If the latter, do you want someone like that working for you?
She knows however that it is because of the fear and understands this as people before me have done the same.
'Russell, telling the truth is always be better than lying. If you have made a mistake it is ok. It's just that you must tell me and then we can amend it.'
And dear reader she has stuck to her word. Yes, she highlights when I have made an error and with good reason, so I don't do it again. She does however understand that in a place so complex and fast pace, there are always things to learn and mistakes will be made.
'We are human after all Russell'.
I trust my manager to tell her when I need help and she accepts my flaws and wants to actively work on them with me. She has held me over the last five months and with her acceptance I am on my way to dealing with my naughty habits with the hope that one day they will fade and no longer hold power over me.
March 04, 2009
Drama at the launderette
Just back from the launderette, and my, what a drama!
When the washing machine finally stopped, there was a shocked hush. Looking out at us through the round window was a face, nose and stethoscope pressed against the glass - while mouthing at us to cough.
Well, we were too aghast to cough! None of us had ever seen a spin doctor before...