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July 26, 2009
Today
Today I am struggling
To connect with the being
Born shining and so full of potential.
My excavations have hit upon
yet another hard layer
which crushes my essence
And makes me feel
Small
So small
Insignificant
Knowing not my purpose.
Unimportant and unwanted
Unliked and unlovable
These are the feelings
That keep re-occuring
Body memories
Strongly stamped inside
Like a stick of seaside rock.
Today I am struggling
I am sitting with deep unhappiness
Thoughts plague my mind
Tears fall down my face
There is no let up
I imagine taking a razor
And cutting into a vein
I imagine watching the unhappiness
Flow out of my body along with my blood
I imagine falling into a deep, deep sleep
And never being disturbed by stupid thoughts ever again.
I smile, I smile at my own imaginings
A pin prick of pure light has just broken through
And I know, without doubt that in time
This layer like all the others before it
Will too, be dismantled
I stop struggling
And focus on the light
I allow myself to be
To breathe deep
It is enough.
Posted by Shelliz at July 26, 2009 06:07 PM