July 20, 2009
Warming to the French
Unlike alot of people, I've been well and truly fucked by successful French author, Anna Sam. And how was it for me? Well, not so good in the short term.
What happened was this. Anna bought out a book on her supermarket experiences in France, just at the same time as I brought out a book on my supermarket experiences in England. Similar so far, but now a channel of difference between us - for when it came to being noticed by the media, she really sat on my face. Despite struggling with English, she was on every radio programme I wished to be on (English is my first language); and in every newspaper I wished to be in. Anna? Hi!!! Simon?? 'Tell him I'm out'.
Whatever and however, she was everywhere and I was nowhere. I was the betamax to her VHS, and our sales reflected this discrepancy of attention.
How did I feel? I was frustrated for 12 hours; restless and despondent. In a swirl of indignation, I looked around for people to blame, as the insecure do. I had a career to look after, and this was my one chance. What future for me if this died? None! Nothing. Hopeless!
And then something happened. Just as my plans had been ripping up me; I ripped up my plans; said goodbye to them. And everything was then all right. I gave up identifying myself as an author - or as anything else for that matter - and became again emptiness, and present to the day.
This was much better. I said goodbye to the books. Whatever they did out there was really none of my business; as signifcant as the dust on my shoe. I write them; and then as children full grown, give up all control over their fragile futures.
Anna had saved me; this is true. My schemes had grown unchecked. Oh yes, they appeared to be carressing my neck with excited touch; but were in fact throttling me. Thankfully St Anna of the Blessed Checkout intervened, wrenching their strong fingers from my wind pipe.
They had truly passed their shelf life.
Posted by Mr Bojangles at July 20, 2009 09:28 AM
thank you for this simple prayer and focus on what matters
Posted by: kitt at August 10, 2009 11:33 PM